The Christmas Blues have lifted in the last couple of days. I have spent every day since Christmas with friends and family and suddenly I feel back to normal. I guess it really puts things in perspective - so much to be thankful for and little to worry about.
At a family gathering yesterday an Aunt asked me: Do I miss my mom on the holidays, is it apparent that she is gone? And after getting over the shock of the question I realized that for me, Holiday's aren't' the big issue. OF course I miss my mom over the Holidays, its a time for family. But for me it is the random Tuesdays when I call the house forgetting I won't get her and wanting to tell her something great. While I answered this question I was thinking to myself - please don't have asked my stepdad this question. Please.
So despite that one little blip I realize - family and friends heal all. And when you are down and sad you should surround yourself with them. Be thankful for them and tell them often they are loved and appreciated.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
New Years is Approaching
New Years is approaching and I have been thinking a lot about what I want for 2014. When I started this blog, even way before I published I thought I would have more to say and that it would help me overcome some of my issues. But I find myself being shy and running out of things to say - apparently I am not as interesting as I thought I was.
I need to tie blogging into the 'go forward plan' for 2014. I am just at a loss as to what that will look like. There is a list of things I would love to do for 2014. They include:
I am going to spend the next 5 days thinking about goals, motivation and what I really want from 2014 and hopefully come up with a plan to present in the first week of 2014.
If anyone has any suggestions I would be open to hearing them, what do you plan to do for 2014?
I need to tie blogging into the 'go forward plan' for 2014. I am just at a loss as to what that will look like. There is a list of things I would love to do for 2014. They include:
- working out in a fun more diligent way
- skiing more
- knitting - specifically a winter hat, and before winter runs out
- learning to sew
- taking action to live a more minimalist lifestyle.
- deciding what to do with all my stamp stuff because I think I am over it.
- starting digital scrapbooking
- writing more
- reading different types of books
- finding a way to relax every day
- being outside for at least 30 minutes a day
- yoga
- more time with family and friends
I am going to spend the next 5 days thinking about goals, motivation and what I really want from 2014 and hopefully come up with a plan to present in the first week of 2014.
If anyone has any suggestions I would be open to hearing them, what do you plan to do for 2014?
Christmas Blues
Christmas is not my favorite time of year. I enjoy, to an extent, the lead up to the holidays. The decorating, the baking, the smells, the gathering with friends and family are all things I enjoy. But as the 24th closes in I find myself liking the holiday less and less. Christmas has not always been a happy time. For the better part of a decade I got kicked out of my parents house on Christmas Eve for some infraction or another. Always to be called back at some point. Someone would get drunk and yell, usually at me, people would pass out and this became my holiday tradition. It came to a head in 2010 when I arrived at Christmas Eve to a house full of angry people and crazy family time. I lasted a whopping 45 minutes before the fighting started and I went upstairs to have some quiet calm time. Shortly there after I got kicked out of the house. But the difference being, that this time I didn't go back. This was my second to last Christmas with my mother. And unfortunately for me, a huge memory that overshadows all other previously happy holiday seasons. And it makes the holidays difficult, sad, tiring and quite frankly filled with dread.
It has been better in recent years. My husband makes a great effort to make sure that the holidays are fun and enjoyable. My family seems to be getting along better. I suppose because we have to, our numbers have dwindled significantly. But the feeling is still there. So that by bedtime on the 25th all I want is for the joy and merriment to end and for regular life to resume. And I do feel bad because this doesn't make me the happiest person to be around and I feel bad for my husband, but such is life. One day I am sure it won't be as horrible a feeling, one can only hope.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Stress
2011 and 2012 were years filled with never ending stress. To the point that my body was affected by the amount of stress it was continually put in front of. Of the list of 'symptoms of stress' I had almost all of them. But the huge flags were my increasing memory problems, anxiety, moodiness, short tempered, aches and pains, weight gain (shout out to the 20lbs of ju-jubes) and an increase of my OCD habits.
Now almost a full year later I am still trying to recover from these things. The beginning of 2013 saw some very serious side effects to no longer having stress - recovery. Recovery from prolonged stress is difficult. It requires a lot of sleep, exercise, sleep, doctors appointments and a resetting of your body and your mind. I have consulted my doctor more this year than in any other year of my life. I have had acupuncture for my hormones and my digestive issues, I get massages almost monthly, I see the chiropractor (although I do miss my one from my home city) and I saw a dietitian. And all of these things helped in their own way. But I think the thing that was needed the most is time and no stress, time to reset the body and learn what my new normal is.
The other great thing is that I now have what are considered 'normal' responses to stress when they come. This past weekend was unbelievably stressful and I handled it like a normal person. I dealt with it, didn't get overly moody, didn't eat my weight in candy, and cried a bit. A far cry to my reactions of all of the stressful events in 2012.
The important things I have learned from all of this: Pay attention to when the stress gets too much. Your body will tell you when you have reached that point. For me the huge indicator is when I couldn't continue conversations or sentences that I was having because I lost my train of thought while I was having them. At first it was weird but then it got to be quite normal for me. Although I did realize it shouldn't be normal and I did worry I was having mini strokes. When you reach your point, this is the time to step away and re-charge. Go for a walk, say NO to one of the tasks you are being asked for, sit quietly in a room for 10 minutes, talk to your people (spouse, friends, siblings, anyone). If its work related (which mine was to start) - speak up. No one is going to protect you but you. If it is personal related - also speak up. Your family / friends / loved ones do not want you to fail. They will help you if need be.
I think I may be almost healed on the handling stress front. Yay Me!
Now almost a full year later I am still trying to recover from these things. The beginning of 2013 saw some very serious side effects to no longer having stress - recovery. Recovery from prolonged stress is difficult. It requires a lot of sleep, exercise, sleep, doctors appointments and a resetting of your body and your mind. I have consulted my doctor more this year than in any other year of my life. I have had acupuncture for my hormones and my digestive issues, I get massages almost monthly, I see the chiropractor (although I do miss my one from my home city) and I saw a dietitian. And all of these things helped in their own way. But I think the thing that was needed the most is time and no stress, time to reset the body and learn what my new normal is.
The other great thing is that I now have what are considered 'normal' responses to stress when they come. This past weekend was unbelievably stressful and I handled it like a normal person. I dealt with it, didn't get overly moody, didn't eat my weight in candy, and cried a bit. A far cry to my reactions of all of the stressful events in 2012.
The important things I have learned from all of this: Pay attention to when the stress gets too much. Your body will tell you when you have reached that point. For me the huge indicator is when I couldn't continue conversations or sentences that I was having because I lost my train of thought while I was having them. At first it was weird but then it got to be quite normal for me. Although I did realize it shouldn't be normal and I did worry I was having mini strokes. When you reach your point, this is the time to step away and re-charge. Go for a walk, say NO to one of the tasks you are being asked for, sit quietly in a room for 10 minutes, talk to your people (spouse, friends, siblings, anyone). If its work related (which mine was to start) - speak up. No one is going to protect you but you. If it is personal related - also speak up. Your family / friends / loved ones do not want you to fail. They will help you if need be.
I think I may be almost healed on the handling stress front. Yay Me!
Monday, December 2, 2013
Cross Country Skiing
I have recently begun cross country skiing. And by begun I mean "we bought ski's and went once". I love and hate cross country skiing at the same time. I hate how difficult it is, how out of shape I am and all the falling. I love how it makes me feel, I love that I am exercising in fresh air and love that its something to do with my husband.
Lost Week
In an attempt to get myself back under control I seem to have lost a week and a half.
I have been successful in the goals department. I have been eating really well (or at least better than I have for the last couple of months), I have stretched every day for a min of 15 minutes. I started doing this first thing in the morning. I find that it makes me feel great all day. So I seem to be on my way.
The 25th was the last of our horrible one year anniversaries from 2012 and although I was very sad, it was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. A sign of healing maybe? Or just an acceptance that I did the best I could for Uncle C and when the time comes at the gates any judgement can be handed down then.
A friend of mine suggested that 2014 and this blog would be the perfect time to start my Happiness Project again. Although I am tempted to do it because of my love of the premise I am hesitant as well. It may be superstitious but I feel that starting that again at the beginning of the year is liking hanging a karmic Welcome sign to bad things. I may change my mind, but for now that is how I feel. Plus I seem to have lost my book!
But I do want to do something for 2014 to encourage the mindset of memories and living in the now. I am open to suggestions!
I have been successful in the goals department. I have been eating really well (or at least better than I have for the last couple of months), I have stretched every day for a min of 15 minutes. I started doing this first thing in the morning. I find that it makes me feel great all day. So I seem to be on my way.
The 25th was the last of our horrible one year anniversaries from 2012 and although I was very sad, it was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. A sign of healing maybe? Or just an acceptance that I did the best I could for Uncle C and when the time comes at the gates any judgement can be handed down then.
A friend of mine suggested that 2014 and this blog would be the perfect time to start my Happiness Project again. Although I am tempted to do it because of my love of the premise I am hesitant as well. It may be superstitious but I feel that starting that again at the beginning of the year is liking hanging a karmic Welcome sign to bad things. I may change my mind, but for now that is how I feel. Plus I seem to have lost my book!
But I do want to do something for 2014 to encourage the mindset of memories and living in the now. I am open to suggestions!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)