Home Organization and Minimalist Wishes

Spring is here and so begins the spring cleaning. It has been three years since we did a good spring cleaning, basically since I moved into this house. We are in desperate need of a good clean and in my opinion, a good purge.

Yesterday we began with the daughters room. We purged her closet of all of the leftover toys, clothing and stuffed animals from her childhood. Stuff she no longer wanted. It took 5 bags to goodwill, 3 bags to the garbage, and we still have stuff to purge. Her room is still full of stuff, but teenager stuff rather than child's stuff.

All of this 'stuff' we removed does make me question our materialism. It makes me wonder if we need all the stuff we buy. Sure some of it is convenient but is it stuff we enjoy owning or is it just stuff we buy to fill a void?  I have a room full of scrapbooking / card making stuff that I have collected for years and I feel guilty every time I look at it. I don't want it anymore but have no idea what to do with the thousand of dollars of stuff that is there. It takes up precious real estate in our home, a room that could be better put to use. Everywhere I look at our house I see the same issues. Books by the dozen on bookshelves never read, outdoor activity supplies for small children, hundreds of dvd's for movies never watched. How does one collect so much stuff? And more importantly - what does one do with all that stuff once it is no longer needed?

So I will begin the slow and painful process of spring cleaning with the occasional purging. I will try and get the house down to stuff we use and really enjoy, take pleasure in owning. We will keep the best of the stuff we own, get rid of those things that aren't used regularly, organize the home and generally overhaul it all.

Or I will get lazy like last year and leave it be.

Discovering Personal Style

What is your personal style? This is a question I spend a bit of time thinking about actually. I favor the British sweater-shirt-pant combo which can be switched up to the sweater-shirt-skirt or sweater-dress combos. But I realized recently that this exact combo is favored by my 85 year old grandmother and a very stylish 65 year old aunt. This made me realize that my day to day uniform is aging me. Or is it the way I am putting it together that is aging me. It is one thing to like the combo as I can make it funky but I don't. My closet consists of stuff that I don't even think my grandmother would find stylish because they are too plain, not enough sparkles and too boring.

The thing is I love clothing. Not high end fashions, but everyday clothing. I love looking at magazines, I love looking online. I am addicted to Pintrest. I love browsing stores and yet I rarely try anything new. In fact I have only purchased 2 articles of clothing this year. A new pair of workout pants and a pair of skinny grey jeans. Both purchased this week. 

I am putting together a capsule wardrobe out of what I have for the spring. Specifically April through June. I haven't decided how many items I am going to go down to because I am not certain what to weed out. Recently I was given a bunch of clothing from my sister. They were all in very good condition and quality and I am trying to put everything together with stuff I already own. During this process I realized, even the stuff I already own doesn't go together that well. It is all over the place in color and in style. It follows my uniform, however it is all from when I worked in an office everyday. Not out of a home. The clothes don't fit who I am now, at this point in my life. I haven't purchased new clothing for spring and summer in a number of years so this explains it. However I really want to make the capsule wardrobe work for me. I want to have the freedom from my clothing that people doing Project 333 rave about. I want to know everything I own looks good on me, fits my personality and flows well together. I don't want to wear my fall back color (black) everyday. I want to feel comfortable at work sitting all the time in air conditioning. I want to feel put together. 

Without the help of a personal shopper and mounds of money and a complete overhaul of everything I own, how am I going to get out of my rut? 

Grandparents

I had the best Grandparents a girl could wish for. I was loved by them, shaped by them and nurtured by them. They were arty, liberal and open minded. They believed in family, friends and a good time. The showered me with kisses. My Nana would rub my ears for hours because I loved it. For me my grandparents were my safe place, the place I felt so secure.

My Grandpa was my favorite person in the world up until the day he died. My Nana ran a very close second He could make a sandwich fit for a king, and often would late at night. He would drive anywhere to get you, take you for donut runs before bed. He was fond of slippers and PJ's at Walmart before it became the norm. There was always an apple pie in the house ready to be shared. They didn't have much but they had love.

As I drove home from dinner tonight I heard on the radio a multitude of songs from my childhood, everyone of them eliciting a memory of my grandparents. The Dirty Dancing theme song - memories of the album my Grandpa bought for me. The Bee Gee's - reminders of doing dishes after Wednesday night dinners. Phil Collins, K.D. Lang - it was like the DJ was playing the soundtrack to my childhood.

My husband and I are trying to have a baby. My worst kept secret ever. But my children won't have those grandparents. Not specifically my grandparents but they won't have grandparents even close. There will be no special days with Grandpa, no baking day's with Nana, no special regular weekday dinners with them. They won't know half of their grandparents and depending on how long the stork takes to deliver, the grandparent numbers could dwindle further. This is my heartbreaking realization and is further broken by the knowledge that the only people I want to talk to about this are gone.

And to top it off  all I want is an apple pie with ice cream.

2 years and unfortunate counting

It has been two years since my mom passed away. 2 years in the wee morning hours tomorrow. I was granted that one extra day to believe all was normal in my world so the real anniversary in my mind is not until Monday. That is the anniversary of everything changing.

Year Two was much harder than Year One. I have spent quite a few days trying to understand why and I think it is because everything found a new normal. There was no Uncle C to take care of, no wedding to plan, no new job to prepare for, no school and everyone stopped tippy-toeing around us. Life resumed. The holidays were year two of them, the second time we had celebrated without mom so in theory they were easier.

I found myself needing to talk to my mom more this year. Life decisions have been made and they require a mom to discuss with, to understand the worry without explanation. I miss her voice, her smell, her cooking and her support. I wish we had made better amends before she died, not just the small step we took. I wish I knew if she was proud of me despite what she felt are my flaws. Wish she could have seen me at my wedding, happy in my life, the home I have built. I wish she could be here to teach me to sew, to teach my daughter the same.

My biggest wish is that there was somewhere to go tomorrow to visit. Somewhere to take flowers, sit and have a chat and just be at peace with. Somehow I don't think taking flowers to my stepdads home office is the same.

I wish - a list that could go on forever.

February Resolutions - Abandoned

February was a totally horrible month for resolutions. The February resolutions were good ones - be present, laugh more and do chores with love. I knew they would all make my life better. And they did. However I was horrible at tracking them, horrible at writing my thoughts on them and then the next thing I knew it was March and I realized - no blog on February progress. We are a week into March and no update on March's resolutions.

I am not certain where this will lead - but resolutions have been abandoned.

Wake Up Calls

You know that feeling when you feel fantastic. For me it means my back doesn't hurt (knock on wood), my face is clearing up, I have had some good visits with friends, I don't feel 'fat' and I am generally happy with my life. I find when this feeling goes on for too long, a week and then two, I stop doing the things that made me feel fantastic. I stop exercising, stop being strict on my skin care regime, start eating worse and then I find myself not feeling so great. And the cycle starts again. But for the most part, with the exception of my back, these are superficial issues. Is it the end of the world if my hair isn't great? Will the world come to a crashing halt if my face breaks out? All of the answers are no, I just feel self conscious for a bit and move on. 

Last week a huge wake up call came. One of my  friends is sick, not dying sick but still sick. She has been sick for a while but now there is finally a correct diagnosis. And its scary. Scary for her because she has to deal with these issues, what it could mean for her and her future. Scary for me because she is not here with me, where my family could shelter and help her, where it is easy to give her hugs and see that it will be alright. 

This friend listens to her body and fights for it. That is how she ended up with the correct diagnosis, because she fought until someone finally got it correct. This friend does all the things I say I will do, but never do. She researches, see' s specialists, she gets bi-weekly massages,  see's a naturalpath, she knows what works for her body and what doesn't. While she doesn't always follow what she knows is best, at least she knows. She has a healthy appreciation for the superficial. She is after all a her. However for the past year her focus has been on being HEALTHY. Not skinny, or pretty for others but healthy for her.  I admire that about her. I am adding this to the list because for years I have admired a lot of things about her.  

I have been sick for the last year as well. Not like her, but I have an issue that I complain a lot about but really have done very little to try and correct. I am waiting for the specialist to diagnose. What I should be doing is paying attention to my body and taking a cue from my friend - pay attention to my body and fight for it.

I believe that how you look on the outside has a direct impact on how you feel on the inside. That a new hairstyle, lipstick or piece of clothing can change your outlook. What I need to start remembering is that how you feel on the inside, physically and psychologically, can have a huge impact on your life as a whole. Best to take care of yourself while things are still able to be corrected.